Feeling Good/Feeling Bad

[lillilah]

There are times when it is really hard to explain how exactly I don't feel well. Today, as I was making lunch, I thought, "I feel fantastic! I'm going to be able to do so many things! Well, I think I am, but then I'm going to do some stuff, and then I'll feel awful." Now, sometimes people say (in more words), "Oh, if you only had a positive attitude, you could get better." It isn't that I don't want to get better, but the problem is that saying, "I'm going to get better soon," quickly becomes denial of reality (and then really upsetting) when you have a problem that isn't going away. Yes, I would love to be healthy, but every time I accept that I'm disabled, it is accepting reality and that allows me to care for myself and recognize my limits. It might not be the most super, pop-psych, upbeat way to do things, but it is the most healthy. Anyway, I was feeling great this afternoon, and so I worked on a page I've made to more effectively add menus to my food database. There were a few bugs and needed features. Anyway, I worked on it for about half an hour then felt like I was going to vomit (or at least, like my brain was). I got ready for a walk, went out, and made it to the end of the block. My brain was begging me to go home. My legs were having trouble moving. I felt terrible, so I realized that being outside wasn't going to help and came home (which is accepting my limits rather than "giving up"). I played some video games for a little while, and I'm back to feeling fine. I'll probably go through this cycle of doing as much as I can, feeling sick, resting until I feel better, and then doing something else a few more times tonight. By the end of the night, I'll be completely wiped out and probably have trouble talking. I generally summarize this as "I don't feel well", but I perhaps there is a better way to say it. Anyway, I'm still doing all I can, but trying not to do so much that I destroy my body with stress. Ta da!