Dealing with everything at once
Aug. 14th, 2018 01:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lillilahMy jaw aches. I should go see the dentist, but I'm not up do doing anything else. Yesterday, I emailed six psychologists in Florida, plus a psychologist in Moscow, who is a friend of a friend. I'm waiting for responses now. That isn't relaxing, as I have a lot of anxiety around doctors, since my experiences with them have generally been unpleasant. Hopefully, this will get resolved in the next week. I have four backup doctors in Florida that I can contact and one backup in Russia.
We were going to try go take the train out of town today to go on a nice walk, but I melted down, as I deal poorly with time pressure. We've decided to change things around and go on Thursday, dealing with all Thursday's things tomorrow. I realize now that a lot of my anxiety is dreading doing things that I really want to do. The other part is dreading things that I really have to do, like dealing with the dentist (gastroenterologist, new immigration lawyer, gynecologist, endocrinologist, new psychologist). I go from calm to freaked out pretty quickly, which indicates to me that I'm probably just repressing the fuck out of my anxiety until I get to the point where I can't control it.
I tried taking more phosphatidyl serine (PS), and now that I'm taking DHEA, it seemed to produce a worse effect rather than better. I had the experience where suddenly, when I started taking PS, niacinamide was too much for me. I wonder if DHEA is going to have a similar result. I feel like I'm walking around the problem, coming up with a list of vitamins that help in one way or another. Hopefully, when I get to the end of the circle, I'll have found some solutions. Probably, it is a spiral, and I'll be circling in infinitely, getting closer and closer to a treatment without getting a cure. If I'm up to it, I'll try taking less PS tomorrow and see what happens. My blood sugar is higher, which isn't a surprise, as probably my stress means high cortisol, which means low insulin.
The psychologist (or maybe psychiatrist?) in Moscow is also a neurologist. It would be great if he was helpful and friendly. I realize that after all those evaluations for the DoL, I have a lot of anxiety about doctors who deal with my primary illness.
Hopefully, if I contact the lawyer tomorrow, they will get back to me, we can get an appointment for Monday, and everything will be organized quickly and smoothly. At least, the last lawyer was good at making us feel comfortable, even though they were actually really disorganized. The worst case would be that they don't get back to us, and we have to go back to the immigration center and try to get some help from them. That would be the cheaper but probably more stressful option.
Since we aren't going for a lovely walk in the country, because I'm too crazy, I should probably go make lunch, so that I can at least leave the house for a little exercise today.
We were going to try go take the train out of town today to go on a nice walk, but I melted down, as I deal poorly with time pressure. We've decided to change things around and go on Thursday, dealing with all Thursday's things tomorrow. I realize now that a lot of my anxiety is dreading doing things that I really want to do. The other part is dreading things that I really have to do, like dealing with the dentist (gastroenterologist, new immigration lawyer, gynecologist, endocrinologist, new psychologist). I go from calm to freaked out pretty quickly, which indicates to me that I'm probably just repressing the fuck out of my anxiety until I get to the point where I can't control it.
I tried taking more phosphatidyl serine (PS), and now that I'm taking DHEA, it seemed to produce a worse effect rather than better. I had the experience where suddenly, when I started taking PS, niacinamide was too much for me. I wonder if DHEA is going to have a similar result. I feel like I'm walking around the problem, coming up with a list of vitamins that help in one way or another. Hopefully, when I get to the end of the circle, I'll have found some solutions. Probably, it is a spiral, and I'll be circling in infinitely, getting closer and closer to a treatment without getting a cure. If I'm up to it, I'll try taking less PS tomorrow and see what happens. My blood sugar is higher, which isn't a surprise, as probably my stress means high cortisol, which means low insulin.
The psychologist (or maybe psychiatrist?) in Moscow is also a neurologist. It would be great if he was helpful and friendly. I realize that after all those evaluations for the DoL, I have a lot of anxiety about doctors who deal with my primary illness.
Hopefully, if I contact the lawyer tomorrow, they will get back to me, we can get an appointment for Monday, and everything will be organized quickly and smoothly. At least, the last lawyer was good at making us feel comfortable, even though they were actually really disorganized. The worst case would be that they don't get back to us, and we have to go back to the immigration center and try to get some help from them. That would be the cheaper but probably more stressful option.
Since we aren't going for a lovely walk in the country, because I'm too crazy, I should probably go make lunch, so that I can at least leave the house for a little exercise today.
